You HAVEN’T Had Chocolate Covered Bacon?
Wednesday, September 30th, 2009“You haven’t had chocolate covered bacon? Here, have a piece. You might like it.”
“Ugh, no. That’s so incredibly bad for you.”
“Sure, if you eat the whole plate. I’m talking about having one piece. Try some!”
“I can hear my arteries hardening already. That’s gross.”
“Really? You want to go that route? Here’s a question for you: Do you know what’s even worse for you than a piece of chocolate covered bacon? Two pieces of normal bacon. It’s true. If you were to separate the two principal ingredients and put a piece of bacon in one hand and the five chocolate chips that constitute the coating in the other, you’d have more sugar than two pieces of bacon, but a lot less fat and sodium than if you had two pieces of bacon.
And let’s be honest with ourselves. Have you ever had a plate of bacon in front of you and eaten just one piece of bacon? No, of course not. But don’t feel bad, nobody in the history of the world has. You’ve had no qualms eating three, four, five pieces of bacon in one sitting. Do you know how much fat is in bacon? Don’t look, you might not eat it anymore.
Similarly, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you eat a cheeseburger plenty of times in your life. What’s the thought process here that says eating a quarter pound of ground animal meat and fat topped with melted animal fat is somehow a green light, while 1 oz. of bacon and 1/2 oz. of chocolate is going to send you into cardiac arrest? Let’s get some perspective here.”
“But why would you do that? What possessed you to combine the two?”
“First, because I saw it on the internet. That’ s pretty good reason to do anything. Second, because it’s awesome. It’s taking two awesome things and putting them together. Doing something completely ridiculous for the sake of doing it is a completely valid reason. That’s what makes it fun. It’s like playing football with jetpacks. Sure, it doesn’t make any sense, but how sweet would that be?”
“What’s it taste like?”
“Kind of like a chocolate covered pretzel. You get salty and sweet together.”
“Isn’t it gross?”
“No, just make sure you cook the bacon to the crispy state. Soggy bacon makes it kind of chewy, which is less appetizing.”
“Why are you yelling at me?”
“Because I spent two fucking hours last night making this stuff, and if you’re not going to at least try a piece, don’t be the douche at the party loudly proclaiming how something I made as a novelty is the end of Western Civilization as we know it.”
Chocolate Covered Bacon:
Ingredients
- One pound of your favorite bacon
- Bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
- Bag of white chocolate chips
1) Cook the bacon. You can fry it in a pan, or bake it, or microwave it. Whatever you want. As I said above, though, just make sure it’s crispy. Let it cool and/or dry before dunking it.
2) Melt the chocolate. I like using the microwave, because dinking around with boiling water is a pain. Put the chips in a microwave safe bowl, and microwave on half power for about a minute, stir, and repeat. Do it as often as you need until the chips are melted.
3) Dunk the bacon in the chocolate. I use tongs. Shake off the excess chocolate.
4) Optional: Melt some white chocolate (which isn’t really chocolate) and drizzle it over the bacon. This is an aesthetic touch.